Is Your Married Heart Light as a Feather?
What does an owl feather say about love? New book has clues
Light-hearted or heavy-hearted may be odd terms to describe the state of your marriage or long-term relationship because real life is more complicated than that. Love lives in the light and in the shadows. But ponder this for a moment:
In Egyptian lore, the goddess/principle Maat is the one who meets us after death and balances our heart in one scale against the weight of a feather in the other scale. She asks us to clear unresolved issues weighing down our hearts. To have your heart as light as a feather means you’re living your truth balanced in who you are and in right relationship with those around you.
I was amazed when I heard clinical psychologist and astrologer Heather Enstrom telling that story on her podcast. Heather’s conscious-loving message about healing relationships and speaking our truth sounded a lot like the experiences of the old-soul couples interviewed in Side by Side: The Sacred Art of Couples Aging with Wisdom & Love, this week’s new book from Creative Courage Press and authors Caryl & Jay Casbon. I feel like the planets are aligning for their wisdom to shine a light on what keeps a marriage evolving and thriving, especially in the later chapters of life. There’s an art to being in healthy long-term relationships and these couples are living proof.
Throughout Side by Side, we have a lovely hand-drawn owl feather above the quotes that end each chapter (thank you, Karen Rauppius!). The feather art not only sets off the words of wisdom, but echoes the gorgeous two owls on the cover. I think of couples who feather their nest. Or feeling the empty nest paradox of sorrow and freedom when children grow up and leave home. I can’t help but think of feathers as quills for the writer’s art, too. And now I’m thinking about the weight of hearts as we weigh our lives lived in relationships—with peace, regrets, or some of both.
“But there’s a real feather in your photos” you’re saying? I know!! Magical, right? Last week I was in Louisville, Kentucky, to celebrate the new marriage of a wonderful young couple. The joy of friends and family gathering to witness their sacred commitment brought happy tears and big smiles. The morning of the wedding, my sister and I stepped out onto the porch of our Airbnb and its “Park Like Setting” to discover the gift of a small, fluffy owl feather — as if the feather in the book came to life! I’ve never in my life seen this kind of bird feather!
It felt like the Barn Owls of Louisville wanted to bestow a blessing not only on the book but on the newlyweds. That the feather was next to the electrical plug for an artful strand of porch lights seems somehow enlightening, too, like a Zen koan!
Let’s Talk About Love (and Feathers)
I’m excited for this week’s launch of Side by Side, as it begins a longer season of conversation about the courage it takes to love and be loved.
Where are you seeing evidence of LOVE these days? I snapped some spontaneous photos on the Monday after the wedding as my sister and I walked along the shores of Lake Michigan. Love was everywhere. Graffiti hearts on concrete, older couples holding hands, even a tiny couple painted into the foreground of a Van Gogh as if almost an afterthought.
We’d love to know, what are YOUR THOUGHTS about marriage and long-term commitment? What keeps you growing as individuals and as a couple? What did you learn about love from your parents or grandparents?
While written first for couples in later years, the book offers much wisdom for people in committed relationships at any age—even for those divorced, widowed, or single who are wondering whether to risk loving again.
Caryl & Jay suggest couples read it together, aloud and leisurely. The Readers’ Guide offers nearly 200 questions for you to delve deeper into your relationship. It will make for great small-group discussions. We hope it will help lighten your hearts!
Buy the Book and Start Reading—Together!
With all humility and chutzpah of my publisher’s role, I invite you to order the book from your favorite bookseller: Bookshop.org supports independent bookstores. The ebook is at Apple iBook. The paperback and ebook at are Amazon and Kindle as well as at Barnes & Noble. You can also order from Fishpond/Australia or Amazon Canada. It will be available globally so if you don’t see it yet, check back or request it from your local store. And/or please ask your local library to order it for you and your neighbors (give them this ISBN 9781959921042).
Read more about the book and find buy buttons here: https://bit.ly/CCPbkSxS. Scroll down for more photos of the book interior.
P.S. Caryl & Jay are available to talk with your book club on a Zoom call — just let us know! You can also visit the author’s website www.SidebySideAging.com where they have video clips of the 13 couples interviewed for the project.
Aw, this gives my single self comradeship and not othering. May owls abound!
I've finally got around to reading this, Shelly, and I can't wait to get into this book! You know what happened the last time I read a Creative Courage Press book! :) I wonder if this book could be as impactful as The Courage Way! I think it might!