It takes courage to love and be loved

New book reveals how couples age, grow & thrive "Side by Side"

The other day I went to a writing workshop and received a copy of the speaker’s inspirational romance set in Colorado in the 1870s. The very last sentence has the couple walking “side by side”... It may be a spoiler alert, but I had to grin because it captures the essence of the next book coming from Creative Courage Press on June 27, 2023—now two weeks away. Here are the final words in that romance:

“We’re in this together.” He offered her his arm. “Are you ready?”

“Yes.” Instead of taking his arm, she slipped her hand into his.

That felt right, too, and he gently squeezed hers in reassurance. They walked side by side the way he hoped they would for the rest of their lives. Abbey, his beloved, who was no longer a stranger.

Side by Side: The Sacred Art of Couples Aging with Wisdom and Love is not a Wild West romance but it is full of the true love stories (true-love stories) of 13 couples who the co-authors interviewed on a pre-pandemic road trip. Caryl and Jay Casbon set out in an RV to find out answers to this question:

What keeps a marriage evolving and thriving, especially in the final season of life?

Answers came in the form of six-hour filmed conversations with old-soul couples living across the United States. And then those transcripts became an insightful collection of real-life teaching stories and practices proving it’s never too late to love more deeply.

In the conclusion of Side by Side (and I don’t think this is a spoiler alert either), Jay Casbon wrote:

“None of these couples would describe their marriages as “Happy Ever After.” That would be an ego story. The soulful nature of relationships is far more complex, nuanced, and challenging than a fairy tale ending implies.

Relationships like that take a lot of courage, a.k.a., strength of heart. And that’s what I am doing with Creative Courage Press authors—making books that will create courage for the complexity of being human. I met Caryl and Jay through the Center for Courage & Renewal—they are Circle of Trust facilitators—and I personally know more than half the couples in the book. I’ve even been a guest in the homes of several couples, including the day before Casbons arrived with their camera to film. All that’s to say I’m honored to be part of their Side by Side project as editor and publisher, and excited for you to get to know these couples (or know more about them).

If you can’t see the moving graphics below, click here to view it online. Then keep scrolling.

Here are five ways to enjoy the Side by Side book as an experience in itself:

1. Come for the stories.

2. Stay for the questions.

3. Connect with the cover art.

4. Experiment with the Beatitudes for Couples.

5. Create a conversation, together & in small groups.

Read on for what I mean by all that…

Come for the stories.

Side by Side came about because Caryl and Jay went on a cross-country road trip in their RV in 2019 to interview “oldster” couples, “What keeps a marriage evolving and thriving, especially in the final season of life?”

The resulting stories offer a new kind of roadmap. These couples represent a generation who is aging, retired, some widowed and remarried, some facing illness, even death. Their lessons will feel new: these aren’t their parents’ marriages.

Thanks to these way-paving pilgrims of love, we can learn not (only) to avoid the potholes of long-term partnerships but how to repair, poke fun at, and learn from the bumps on our relationship journey. Their stories speak to couples of any age, including newlyweds and mid-life married folk (or long-term relationships without marriage license). Even if you’re single, divorced, or widowed, Side by Side can show you what’s possible if you choose to risk loving again.

Side by Side holds no prescriptions, no shoulds, or quick fixes. Instead, you'll find deep truths and authentic lives. It’s not how to, but here’s how these couples are navigating their dance between “me” and “we.”

Stay for the questions.

I love Side by Side for the reflective questions it offers, the same questions asked of each couple in their six-hour interviews (condensed in an appendix). And more questions in the expansive Readers’ Guide. You can watch clips of the live interviews on sidebysideaging.com.

All told, the book offers nearly 200 questions for you to explore.

Connect with the cover art.

What kind of love birds are you as a couple? Or what animals would describe each of you individually? Like wedding-cake toppers on frosting, these beautiful, colorful, and wise pair of owls on the brilliant blue background make my heart swoon.

I soooo LOVE this cover! It represents the sacred art of couples aging with wisdom and love—as the subtitle says. What artwork would represent your marriage-selves?

Thank you to my former colleague at the Center for Courage & Renewal Karen Rauppius (who also knows the authors and many of the couples) for her artistry in drawing and digitally painting these gorgeous owls, as well as interior sketches. And deep gratitude to Karen Polaski, who I worked with at Sounds True years ago, for her beautiful design inside and out. This is creative collaboration at its best! You both brought the author’s dream visions to life.

Here’s Jay & Caryl Casbon, just home from a road trip to open their first box of books!

Experiment with the Beatitudes for Couples.

The what? The playful, interfaith “Beatitudes for Couples” (one for each chapter) show how “be-attitudes” or blessings can support the sacred art of messy, challenging, committed relationships, such as:

Blessed is the couple who dances with the tension between “me” and “we,” for they will know companioning without loss of self. 

While this book is non-denominational, the authors believe the original Beatitudes and the Beatitudes for Couples are meant to speak to your heart and soul no matter what faith tradition you follow (or none at all).

Create a conversation, together & in small groups.

In the Readers’ Guide, besides the questions for exploring the themes of each chapter, you’ll find instructions for how to use Circle of Trust® Touchstones to create a trustworthy, safe space for discussions—whether 1:1 as a couple or in small groups. The guide also has facilitator instructions and a sample agenda.  

Reading it aloud with your partner is one invitation, as is inviting other couples to form a small group to go through the guide over several weeks. The Casbons are hoping, based on their retreat-leading experience, that you'll value the conversations and community this book can support as much as the book itself.

Pre-Order Now. Available on June 27th!

Side by Side will officially launch on June 27. The print book is available to pre-order from your favorite bookseller now and the e-book will be available soon. It will be available worldwide, so if you don’t see it at your favorite site yet, check back. Ask your local indie bookseller to order it for you. And, please, we’d love for you to ask your local library to order this book for you or your neighbors.

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P.S. What was that romance novel I mentioned above, you ask? It’s called “To Love a Stranger” by Sharon Mignerey. Pull up a chair and enjoy them both!

P.P.S. Stay tuned also for the next book—a stunning memoir—coming in August, Leaving a Charmed Life: A True Story of Choosing Authentic Happiness by Kadian Grant. See more at my updated website, www.CreativeCouragePress.com.